Faglundag Cemmatsig Cusszigbonk is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, conceited cat.

Faglundag Cemmatsig Cusszigbonk created a charm quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Faglundag Cemmatsig Cusszigbonk, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Faglundag Cemmatsig Cusszigbonk, she will attempt to scare you with floods.

Faglundag Cemmatsig Cusszigbonk's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Faglundag Cemmatsig Cusszigbonk's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from fawn snakes for they are unholy.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Pray towards the south.

4. Always help sick capybaras.

5. Do not take Faglundag Cemmatsig Cusszigbonk's name in vain.