Yarmutkik is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, benevolent gerbil.

Yarmutkik created a photon three million years ago.

If you believe in Yarmutkik, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Yarmutkik, she will torture you forever.

Yarmutkik's most sacred site is Thimmanaickenpalayam in India.

Yarmutkik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Never write about black holes.

3. Yarmutkik loves dolphins, so they must be respected.

4. You must love Yarmutkik.

5. Never look at asteroids.