Flanmipkad is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, unsympathetic jackal.

Flanmipkad created Africa three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flanmipkad, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Flanmipkad, it will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Flanmipkad's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Flanmipkad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Always wear gray.

3. Never mention shrews.

4. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

5. Never look in ponds.