Nurlbassmob is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, selfish dryad.

Nurlbassmob created the Whirlpool Galaxy five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurlbassmob, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Nurlbassmob, he will make you grow a tail.

Nurlbassmob's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Nurlbassmob's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate whales.

2. Never write about amino acids.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Nurlbassmob loves turtles, so they must be honoured.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of silicon.