Gempintan is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, awe-inspiring human.

Gempintan created the planet Mars three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gempintan, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Gempintan, it will ignore you.

Gempintan's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Gempintan's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Monkeys are not to be trusted.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Do not jump in public.

5. Fast once a month.