Labcunpak is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, tranquil aardvark.

Labcunpak created an electron eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Labcunpak, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Labcunpak, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Labcunpak's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Labcunpak's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if three cats approach from the north.

2. Labcunpak must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Respect your elders.

4. You must love Labcunpak.

5. You must pray to Labcunpak four times a day.