Quartkarnilwabcim is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, omnipotent scorpion.

Quartkarnilwabcim created the solar system five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quartkarnilwabcim, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Quartkarnilwabcim, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Quartkarnilwabcim's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Quartkarnilwabcim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair black.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. You must love Quartkarnilwabcim.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.