Tafflancub is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, proud donkey.

Tafflancub created a bottom quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Tafflancub, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Tafflancub, he will send you a sign.

Tafflancub's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Tafflancub's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about peas.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Tafflancub.

4. Tafflancub loves snakes, so they must be honoured.

5. Do not kill tapirs.