Vanzenquart is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, charitable dryad.

Vanzenquart created a photon three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vanzenquart, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Vanzenquart, he will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Vanzenquart's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Vanzenquart's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if eight frogs approach from the west.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Never sit in holy places.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never run in the presence of squirrels.