Parkwod is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, cheerful dog.

Parkwod created dark energy two billion years ago.

If you believe in Parkwod, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Parkwod, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Parkwod's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Parkwod's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Never think about comets.

5. Never feed rice to foxes while wearing violet stockings.