Figduss is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, happy narwhal.

Figduss created the Andromeda Galaxy nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Figduss, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Figduss, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Figduss' most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Figduss' Holy Commandments

1. Never look at planets.

2. Always treat aardvarks with great respect.

3. Never feed rice to horses while wearing blue shoes.

4. Do not shave your head.

5. Do not stand on grass.