Nandavbarn is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, witty raccoon.

Nandavbarn created vertebrates eight million years ago.

If you believe in Nandavbarn, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Nandavbarn, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Nandavbarn's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Nandavbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry sharks.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Sheep are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Always make sure there are no rats in a room before entering it.