Cimkinbum is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, selfish coyote.

Cimkinbum created dark matter four billion years ago.

If you believe in Cimkinbum, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Cimkinbum, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Cimkinbum's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Cimkinbum's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Cimkinbum must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never talk about otters.

5. You must never eat lentils.