Hadtailyak Kadbogged is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, humorless jackal.

Hadtailyak Kadbogged created time and space four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hadtailyak Kadbogged, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Hadtailyak Kadbogged, it will turn you into a goat.

Hadtailyak Kadbogged's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Hadtailyak Kadbogged's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Always make sure there are no doves in a building before entering it.

4. Always help cats in need.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.