Yarppomtit is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, calm deer.

Yarppomtit created water seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Yarppomtit, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Yarppomtit, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Yarppomtit's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Yarppomtit's Holy Commandments

1. Do not laugh in public.

2. Do not drink water in orange rooms.

3. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Yarppomtit.

5. Always help goats in need.