Appgupfig is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, duplicitous raccoon.

Appgupfig created the Milkyway nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Appgupfig, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Appgupfig, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Appgupfig's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Appgupfig's Holy Commandments

1. Turtles are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Never look at stars.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Appgupfig.

5. Always help grasshopers in need.