Ratmetwon is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, effective parrot.

Ratmetwon created Asia eight million years ago.

If you believe in Ratmetwon, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Ratmetwon, she will boil you in a big pot.

Ratmetwon's most sacred site is Vambupet in India.

Ratmetwon's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear green.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Ratmetwon loves porpoises, so they must be respected.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Worship no other gods but Ratmetwon.