Ligtonjan is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, stupid pig.

Ligtonjan created viruses five million years ago.

If you believe in Ligtonjan, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Ligtonjan, he will manifest in front of you.

Ligtonjan's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Ligtonjan's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from red seals for they are unholy.

2. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Ligtonjan.