Jopfunbast Farnfetquat is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, calm walrus.

Jopfunbast Farnfetquat created humanity nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Jopfunbast Farnfetquat, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Jopfunbast Farnfetquat, she will turn you into a mouse.

Jopfunbast Farnfetquat's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Jopfunbast Farnfetquat's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Never talk about snakes.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Hide if four ants approach from the west.