Mat is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, self-assured lizard.

Mat created humanity four billion years ago.

If you believe in Mat, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Mat, it will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Mat's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Mat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear pink clothing.

2. Retreat if three turtles approach from the south.

3. Always help sick goats.

4. You must never eat aubergines.

5. Never write about cell theory.