Ved is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, self-assured faun.

Ved created Mount Everest eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ved, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Ved, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Ved's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Ved's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Grasshopers are not to be trusted.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.