Kinlamvag is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, slow cobra.

Kinlamvag created an up quark two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kinlamvag, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Kinlamvag, it will destroy your home planet.

Kinlamvag's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Kinlamvag's Holy Commandments

1. Kinlamvag loves gulls, so they must be respected.

2. Hide if five badgers approach from the east.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate foxes.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Retreat if four doves approach from the south.