Fabmontigkem is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, egotistical turtle.

Fabmontigkem created snails three billion years ago.

If you believe in Fabmontigkem, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Fabmontigkem, he will be very unhappy.

Fabmontigkem's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Fabmontigkem's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat grapes.

2. Never look at black holes.

3. Hamsters are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Respect your elders.