Quartlipkip is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, omniscient eagle.

Quartlipkip created oxygen four years ago.

If you believe in Quartlipkip, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Quartlipkip, he will try to impress you with rainbows.

Quartlipkip's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Quartlipkip's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.