Tettigarkad Gutvognill is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, all-powerful weasel.

Tettigarkad Gutvognill created a quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tettigarkad Gutvognill, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Tettigarkad Gutvognill, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Tettigarkad Gutvognill's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Tettigarkad Gutvognill's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from fawn dolphins for they are unholy.

2. Tettigarkad Gutvognill must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Never paint your arms white.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Foxes are not to be trusted.