Tarpogjat is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, ruthless bird.

Tarpogjat created the planet Mars three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpogjat, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tarpogjat, it will turn you into a slug.

Tarpogjat's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Tarpogjat's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your arms orange.

2. You must love Tarpogjat.

3. Never think about galaxies.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tarpogjat.

5. Do not hurt mites.