Hakrotrottuntonk is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, charitable bird.

Hakrotrottuntonk created Asia eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hakrotrottuntonk, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Hakrotrottuntonk, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Hakrotrottuntonk's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Hakrotrottuntonk's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Never mention squirrels.