Quafxensak is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, unfair bird.

Quafxensak created the Small Magellanic Cloud six million years ago.

If you believe in Quafxensak, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Quafxensak, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Quafxensak's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Quafxensak's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into red rooms.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Quafxensak.

3. Never talk about capybaras.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.