Bamstraglap is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, impressive dugong.

Bamstraglap created matter five billion years ago.

If you believe in Bamstraglap, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Bamstraglap, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Bamstraglap's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Bamstraglap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your face.

2. Pray towards the north.

3. Never go into magenta rooms.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Never eat bark.