Xuckpitxuckgebquamvabnibqueeg is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, slow turtle.

Xuckpitxuckgebquamvabnibqueeg created Africa eight million years ago.

If you believe in Xuckpitxuckgebquamvabnibqueeg, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Xuckpitxuckgebquamvabnibqueeg, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Xuckpitxuckgebquamvabnibqueeg's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Xuckpitxuckgebquamvabnibqueeg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your legs.

2. Xuckpitxuckgebquamvabnibqueeg loves tapirs, so they must be honoured.

3. Doves are not to be trusted.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Always make sure there are no seals in a building before entering it.