Toffebsis is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, self-assured grasshopper.

Toffebsis created a photon five billion years ago.

If you believe in Toffebsis, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Toffebsis, it will make you grow a tail.

Toffebsis' most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Toffebsis' Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Erect nine iron sculptures of Toffebsis on top of important buildings.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Worship no other gods but Toffebsis.