Lopcubsag is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, selfish tortoise.

Lopcubsag created vertebrates eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lopcubsag, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Lopcubsag, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Lopcubsag's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Lopcubsag's Holy Commandments

1. Always help otters.

2. Do not trade with those who eat corn.

3. Never talk about amino acids.

4. Never look at black holes.

5. Put Lopcubsag first in all things.