Cadartlik is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, thoughtless seal.

Cadartlik created a quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cadartlik, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Cadartlik, she will turn you into a hamster.

Cadartlik's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Cadartlik's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Feed all hungry manatees.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Always make sure there are no goats in a building before entering it.