Pomlarptan is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, duplicitous hyena.

Pomlarptan created a photon eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pomlarptan, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Pomlarptan, it will ignore you.

Pomlarptan's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Pomlarptan's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from violet turtles, for they are unholy.

2. Always look after injured hamsters.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Always make sure there are no birds in a building before entering it.

5. Fast once a month.