Gofcabvil is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, caring snail.

Gofcabvil created oxygen six million years ago.

If you believe in Gofcabvil, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Gofcabvil, she will turn you into a mouse.

Gofcabvil's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Gofcabvil's Holy Commandments

1. Gofcabvil must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Never mention great tits.

4. You must pray to Gofcabvil five times a day.

5. Never wear hats.