Stignuttdav Quafzanveg Sagcanfagpang is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, witless ferret.

Stignuttdav Quafzanveg Sagcanfagpang created humankind six billion years ago.

If you believe in Stignuttdav Quafzanveg Sagcanfagpang, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Stignuttdav Quafzanveg Sagcanfagpang, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Stignuttdav Quafzanveg Sagcanfagpang's most sacred site is Thimmanaickenpalayam in India.

Stignuttdav Quafzanveg Sagcanfagpang's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt voles.

2. Never eat onions.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Stignuttdav Quafzanveg Sagcanfagpang.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Always help sick dolphins.