Tarpmutfid is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, wise snake.

Tarpmutfid created light nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpmutfid, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tarpmutfid, he will be very sad.

Tarpmutfid's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Tarpmutfid's Holy Commandments

1. Never run near nematodes.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate otters.

3. Never think about moons.

4. Tarpmutfid loves snails, so they must be respected.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.