Mumfutyik is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, two-faced lobster.

Mumfutyik created the Andromeda Galaxy eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Mumfutyik, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Mumfutyik, he will turn you into a rock.

Mumfutyik's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Mumfutyik's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

2. Hide if three otters approach from the west.

3. Do not wear titanium on your body.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Run away from turquoise doves, for they are unholy.