Quafmappad is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, all-knowing hydra.

Quafmappad created the cosmos eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quafmappad, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Quafmappad, he will not care.

Quafmappad's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Quafmappad's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Never mention ducks.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Never write about planets.