Tonkcunart is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, smart slug.

Tonkcunart created oxygen four years ago.

If you believe in Tonkcunart, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Tonkcunart, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Tonkcunart's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Tonkcunart's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from black dolphins for they are unholy.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate geese.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Tonkcunart must be the most important thing in your life.