Parkzodkan is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, effective aardvark.

Parkzodkan created Africa seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Parkzodkan, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Parkzodkan, it will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Parkzodkan's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Parkzodkan's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Always make sure there are no monkeys in a building before entering it.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Never think ill of sick mites.