Ontcumgun is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, unthoughtful gerbil.

Ontcumgun created everything that exists two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ontcumgun, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Ontcumgun, he will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Ontcumgun's most sacred site is Camon in France.

Ontcumgun's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Ontcumgun's name in vain.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Do not run in public.

4. Do not drink water in red rooms.

5. Never think ill of sick snails.