Laggutwap is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, boastful narwhal.

Laggutwap created a photon nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Laggutwap, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Laggutwap, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Laggutwap's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Laggutwap's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. You must pray to Laggutwap five times a day.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Laggutwap loves tapirs, so they must be honoured.