Bessganbud Ingbisswig is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, unthoughtful salamander.

Bessganbud Ingbisswig created the universe nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Bessganbud Ingbisswig, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Bessganbud Ingbisswig, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Bessganbud Ingbisswig's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Bessganbud Ingbisswig's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear kilts.

2. Always help sick monkeys.

3. Do not wear iron on your body.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Bessganbud Ingbisswig.

5. Never jump in holy places.