Xensomdad is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, emotional porpoise.

Xensomdad created time and space three billion years ago.

If you believe in Xensomdad, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Xensomdad, he will turn you into a hamster.

Xensomdad's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Xensomdad's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Do not trade with those who eat spinach.

4. Never think ill of sick turtles.

5. Respect your elders.