Witshavlist is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, sage gorilla.

Witshavlist created viruses eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Witshavlist, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Witshavlist, he will be very unhappy.

Witshavlist's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Witshavlist's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat strawberries.

2. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

3. You must love Witshavlist.

4. Never write about gravity.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.