Femfomtim is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, grumpy shark.

Femfomtim created the planet Jupiter eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Femfomtim, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Femfomtim, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Femfomtim's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Femfomtim's Holy Commandments

1. Femfomtim loves dolphins, so they must be honoured.

2. You must pray to Femfomtim three times a day.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of aluminium.

4. Never think about stars.

5. Never hurt doves.