Janvabven is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, unfair dog.

Janvabven created Asia nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Janvabven, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Janvabven, she will send minions to preach to you.

Janvabven's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Janvabven's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not bounce in public.

3. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never sing in holy places.