Loptagwee is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, witty rat.

Loptagwee created life nine million years ago.

If you believe in Loptagwee, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Loptagwee, he will turn you into a mouse.

Loptagwee's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Loptagwee's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat wheat.

2. Always help capybaras.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Do not stand on grass.