Dissjanbap Gofmapgil is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, contented squid.

Dissjanbap Gofmapgil created a quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Dissjanbap Gofmapgil, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Dissjanbap Gofmapgil, she will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Dissjanbap Gofmapgil's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Dissjanbap Gofmapgil's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Never sing in the presence of seals.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Dissjanbap Gofmapgil.

4. Always help sick rats.

5. Always make sure there are no birds in a room before entering it.